This compilation of seventeen humorous excerpts from the classified sections of city newspapers is a great way to break the ice during your special events.

> Illiterate? Write today for help.

> Auto Repair Service. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.

> Dog for sale. Eats anything and is fond of children.

> Stock up and Save! Limit one per customer.

> For sale: Antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

> Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

> Three-year-old teacher needed for preschool. Experience preferred.

> Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Salary and Blue Cross.

> We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

> Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

> Vacation special: Have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts.

> Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

> For Rent: Six room hated apartment.

> We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.

> Man, honest, will take anything.

> Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first.

> And now, the Superstore — unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

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